Everybody Looking At You (You Take Hold of My Hand)
by DaniiButNotBeck
Summary: "Well I love the way we communicate/Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape/Let's hear what you think of me now/But baby don't look up/The sky is falling/Your mother shows up in a nasty dress/It's your turn now to stand where I stand/Everybody looking at you/You take hold of my hand" - Tori Amos, "Silent All These Years"


Title: Everybody Looking At You (You Take Hold of My Hand)

Rating: K+

Pairing: Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson

Author's Note: As you all know, these characters aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

Author's Note 2: Set sometime before _Her Negotiation _(Season 14, episode 24).

…

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><p>The first day of Autumn has never been more beautiful – the air is crisp and cools; the sun is shining; the birds are singing; children are playing in the yard below Alex's open window.<p>

It's perfect – absolutely perfect.

Yet Alex has hidden herself away in her bedroom, still wearing her pajamas even though she promised she'd be downstairs hours ago to help with the setup.

The knock on her door comes much later than she expected it to, and she doesn't even bother to get up from her spot on the window seat to check who it is.

"Come in."

Olivia comes into the room and closes the door behind her, leaning back against it. It is the first time they have been alone together since they kissed in Alex's office six months ago.

"Brian's mother just got here," Olivia says, crossing the room and sitting beside Alex on the window seat. "You should see the dress she's wearing, Al. It's horrible. It's, like, black with this really terrible floral pattern." She shakes her head. "You'd hate it."

Alex nods, forcing a smile. "I'm sure."

Olivia looks out the window at the children playing in the yard. "Are you going to hide up here forever?"

So they're adamantly avoiding each other's eyes – that's a game Alex can get behind.

Alex turns, putting her back against the wall, and looks over at the closed door. She shrugs. "I was thinking about it."

Olivia sighs and Alex can see her frown out of the corner of her eye. "Fine," she says, standing. "Suit yourself."

Alex is on her feet and grabbing Olivia's wrist before she can stop herself. She spins Olivia so they are face-to-face, but they are still adamant in their quest to avoid each other's eyes. "I'll be there," she says. "Because I love you, I'll be there."

Olivia's eyes flick up and focus on Alex's lips, and she knows that if she doesn't look away now, she might as well call off the wedding. "Why can't things ever be easy for us, Alex?"

Alex shakes her head, staring down at the floor. "I don't know, Liv."

Olivia rests her free hand against Alex's cheek and rubs her thumb over it. Alex almost lets her eyes flutter shut, but then Olivia raises her gazes and their eyes meet and nothing else exists in this world.

"No." It is nothing more than a breathy whisper, but Alex is taking a step back, severing their connection, and shattering the little world they were hidden in. "Not like this."

Olivia's hands fall to her sides and she shoves them into the pockets of her jeans. "I should get back downstairs." She turns to leave the room, but before the door can click shut behind her, she turns around and says, "The ceremony starts in three hours. Please make sure you're there." And then she is gone.

Alex sighs, falling backward onto her bed. She folds her hands under her head and stares up at the ceiling. She imagines constellations forming on the ceiling, each star brighter than the one before, and she knows what she has to do.

She stands quickly and rushes out of her bedroom, not even bothering to change out of her pajamas.

She finds Olivia in the sitting room, serving coffee to Brian's family. She waits quietly until Olivia has noticed her standing there and then she cocks her head to the side, motioning for Olivia to follow her.

They find a place in the backyard that is hidden away from the prying eyes of Olivia's guests. Olivia leans against the siding of the house, arms folded over her chest.

"What, Alex?" Olivia asks harshly. "What is so damn important that it couldn't wait until after coffee?"

Alex paces the length of the area directly surrounding Olivia, wringing her hands. "You can't marry Brian."

Olivia scoffs, shaking her head. "I—" She pauses and lets out a laugh, searching for the right words. "I don't think that's any of your business."

Alex sighs, shaking her head. She stands in front of Olivia, arms out, palms up. "I love you," she says, "so much more than you could ever imagine. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to give you everything you deserve and everything you want, and I want to give you things and experiences that you didn't know you wanted. I want to be with you, Liv, like we were before everything went to shit. I want everything we were and everything we have the potential to be."

"No, Alex," Olivia says, her voice louder than she intended. "No. We can't be like that anymore. You took off and left me here while you went to save the world. And now? Now I'm marrying Brian" – she shakes her head – "and that's all there is to it."

"Liv—"

"No, Alex. There's nothing you can do to change my mind."

Alex sighs, her head bowed. "Okay," she says, defeated. "Okay." She takes a deep breath and shakes her head, turning to look back toward the front of the house. "I'm just gonna go then."

"What? No. C'mon, Alex. I'd like it if you'd stay," Olivia says, reaching out, her fingertips just barely ghosting Alex's skin.

Swallowing hard, Alex shakes her head. "I think it would be best for the both of us if I just go." She takes a step forward and gently kisses Olivia's lips. "I hope we can be friends again someday, Liv."

"Where are you going to go, Alex?"

"I don't know." Alex shrugs. "I guess I'll figure it out when I get there." She smiles one last sad smile at Olivia and nods. "I'll see you around, Liv."

Olivia frowns, feeling the tears building up behind her eyes. "Yeah, Alex," she says. "See you around." She watches Alex until she has disappeared back into the house and then uses the back door to get into the house, returning to her guests.

Ten minutes later, the front door slams shut and Olivia's coffee cup tumbles out of her hands, spilling all over the table. She is on her feet and moving toward the door before she can stop herself.

She pulls open the door and it is like her life is happening in slow motion.

Alex is walking toward her car, suitcase in tow, and Olivia is running, yelling Alex's name. Alex turns when she gets to her car, her suitcase falling out of her hand at the sight of Olivia Benson running after her like they are starring in some kind of romantic comedy.

The guests crowd outside, looking to see what the commotion is. With everyone looking at them, Olivia takes hold of Alex's hand. "Did you mean it?"

"Yes," Alex says. "There is nothing I want more in this world than you. That's how it's always been."

Olivia closes the small gap between them and presses her lips to Alex's. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

Eyes shut, Alex smiles. "That's okay," she says. "Just don't let it happen again."

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><p>.<p>

_End_


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